Another Saturday Night in the Beltway

So it's Saturday night and I'm at a party hosted by Bill Clinton. Something about a big library opening. I don't know... Ole Bill doesn't need an excuse to party. So - Hang on a minute...

'Bill, you wanna get out of my face for a second? I'm trying to write. No. I don't want to make $14 the hard way. Dude, you're sick. Put that away.'

Sorry. As I was saying, I'm at a party. Slick Willie just ate 25 chicken wings in 5 minutes on a bet. He didn't want to do it. Kept crying about some heart trouble he has, but Hillary kept goading him and goading him. I'm not at all sure about that woman. When I arrived at the party I found her writing in her diary. Yeah, I know I shouldn't have read it, but while she was busy getting ready I took a look:-

'To do: Throw party. Kill husband (must not be implicated in death). Ride wave of sympathy to W.H.'

I think W.H. may be some sort of code. Anyway, that's all I could read before I heard her insane cackling headed my way.

Hoo, boy, John Kerry just got turned away at the door. You knew Teddy Kennedy works as a bouncer on the weekends, right? He tells me it's his fried chicken money. He keeps saying 'I gots to get paid, brotha!' at me. That kind of talk really doesn't suit a fat white guy in a tight suit.

George Bush walked through right after Kerry. Boy, he laughed his ass off. You got George laughing that John should be used to rejection, you got Theresa going on with all her crazy smack-talk, you got Teddy breakdancing on the red carpet shouting about his 'biotches' (I think he just craves attention) and you got me sitting in the middle of it all typing on a laptop. Now Teddy's squinting at my screen, trying to read this. He looks a bulldog, all fatty flaps of skin creasing his face. I tell ya, it's a sight to be seen.

Anyway, the booze is flowing inside, and it's cold out here. Besides, Theresa's complaining is getting annoying now. 'You did not just disrespec' me in front of my man!' It's like a whole 'nother language with these rich broads. She keeps wagging her finger in my face and shouting at me to 'Step off'. I'm baffled.

OK, back to the party. Night all.

Cross-posted at Ipse Dixit.