The Name's Bond... James Bond

Let me tell you a little story. This has nothing to do with anything, and I doubt it'll be of much interest to anyone but my die-hard fans (judging by my readership, that's about 11 of you).

A friend of mine, Chris, wrote a screenplay about a woman who discovers she has just a few months to live. She's faced with the dilemma of whether to spend her remaining months in a stale but stable marriage or risk it all with an old flame she never forgot. When Chris writes, he likes to base his characters on his friends. He takes their quirks and mannerisms, along with a few choice quotes, and throws them together into characters. Anyway, he based his 'old flame' character on me. This alone is gratifying, and I thank him for it.

However, this has gone a little further than expected. Chris was approached by a guy who is looking to invest about £15 million in a project to make 5 films in Manchester in the next few years. The screenplay is on the shortlist, and with a bit of luck it'll be hitting screens sometime.

The first ego boost came when Helen Mirren was suggested to play the lead role. Now, Helen is about twice my age, but she's still got the glimmer in her eye that gave many a young man something to think about. The idea of being Mirren's love interest in a feature film is an altogether not upleasant thought.

But here's the peach. Chris sat down with the investor guy last week to discuss the other roles. During this meeting it was suggested that, if not for budget constraints, the ideal actor to play 'me' would be... (drumroll, please)...


Pierce...

fucking...

Brosnan.


Can you imagine the look on my face when I was told this? I don't often get the chance to use my 'I would be played by James Bond in a movie' expression. It's up there with the 'I've just won the lottery' and the 'I've just woken up spooning Angelina Jolie' expressions. I've been wearing this expression every day since. Hey, I might as well get some mileage out of it.