Fucking Actors

My friend James and I have a system by which we nominate actors for a special award. This award brings with it the title of 'Fucking'. For instance, Jack Nicholson is now referred to by the honorific Jack 'Fucking' Nicholson in conversation.

It's fairly simple. Actors and actresses who achieve a certain level of cult status are given the title as a mark of respect for their contribution to our drunken DVD watching nights. However, it's a very select group. All nominees have to be confirmed by popular vote (and since James and I are the only judges the required vote is 100%). As of tonight there are only 5 confirmed members. These are:-

Jack Fucking Nicholson
Robert Fucking de Niro
Al Fucking Pacino
Dan Fucking Aykroyd
Bill Fucking Murray


1. Jack Fucking Nicholson

Jack won the award for the simple reason that he's one of a kind. Classics such as The Shining, Easy Rider and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest gave him a pretty solid cool rating early on, and he's settled into the cool old guy role perfectly in recent years with As Good As It Gets and Something's Gotta Give. To top this off he has a few good comedy films like Mars Attacks ('Why can't we all just... get along?'). The guy is undeniably cool.


2. Robert Fucking de Niro

Come on. He's Robert de Niro. No explanation necessary.


3. Al Fucking Pacino

Don't fuck with Tony Montana


4. Dan Fucking Aykroyd

A controversial choice, but he wrote and starred in Ghostbusters. Who ya gonna call?


4. Bill Fucking Murray

Bill has just outdone himself. Just starring in Ghostbusters is enough for me, but to count the number of times he's made me laugh on my fingers I'd need... well, lots more fingers. Caddyshack, What About Bob?, Groundhog Day, and Kingpin. He even made Charlies Angels bearable. But that's not all. In recent years he's performed outstandingly in Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums and Lost in Translation. If you don't agree that he deserves to hold the title 'Fucking', well it's my list so you can't really do anything about it. Get your own goddamn list.


There's a whole list of people we can't agree on. These include:-

Dustin Hoffman
Anthony Hopkins
Ben Stiller
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Sigourney Weaver
Gene Hackman
Jon Favreau
Vince Vaugn
Marlon Brando
Steve McQueen
James Woods
Harrison Ford
Martin Sheen

These are people who are teetering on the edge, for whatever reason, of the Fucking group. It's not that they're uncool (McQueen and Brando, for instance, are undeniably cool), but they're just missing that certain something. Maybe they need one more cool role to push them over the edge, or maybe their coolness is so cliched that they're just not that cool anymore). These people are awarded the honorific 'Bloody' (I don't know if you use this in the US, but in the UK it's a very mild swear word).

We'd welcome any recommendations you may have. Maybe you can give us a reason why one of the 'Bloody' group deserve to be promoted, or even why one of the 'Fucking's don't deserve to be there. Leave a comment and we'll let you know if you're bloody stupid or a fucking genius.