Bits and Pieces

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Oliver Willis Must Resign

Brit Hume Must Resign

Brit Hume is the anchor of Fox News Channel's prime time news report, Special Report with Brit Hume, and he makes things up. On February 3rd, Hume intentionally manipulated the words of the 32nd president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, to make it appear as if FDR supported privatization of social security. This is a brazen falsehood. President Roosevelt's grandson, James Roosevelt Jr., describes Hume's journalistic malfeasance as an "an outrageous distortion". We agree.

As Willis' ill advised vigil passes the 3 week mark, we reach the point at which we must ask ourselves 'could this guy be any more annoying?' Some on the right have been strong-willed enough to ignore the yammerings of this intellectual midget, this pauper among men. Unfortunately I can't count myself among them. No matter how hard I try to ignore him, I find myself coming to in front of my PC, Willis' smug face and non-sensical tagline loading before my eyes. How did I get there? Just a moment ago I was reading Wizbang, Powerline or any number of blogs that, you know, make sense. Now I find myself hit full in the face with this shrill abrasive voice of the left - the very voice that pushes me ever rightwards. In the words of INDC's Bill - "Never have so many been annoyed by the stupidity of so few. One, actually."

And so, the time has come to demand that Oliver Willis cease and desist - if only to protect the two-party system. With spokesmen such as Willis, even the best Democratic politician finds it hard to get elected. We don't want to win too easily.

Since Willis sets a lot of stock in petitions he really has no choice but to accede to our demands. Unless he's, ya know, a hypocrite. I started us off by asking a few prominent bloggers for their John Hancock, and hopefully more will join in time.

We, the undersigned, demand that Oliver Willis remove his site from the Internets and promise never to take part, or even venture an opinion, in organised politics at any point in the future.

The petition thus far:

Rusty Shackleford
You Know I'm Right
The Political Teen
Blogs Of War
Beautiful Atrocities
Young Pundit
American Digest
Hundred Percenter
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
In The Bullpen
Confederate Yankee
MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
Six Meat Buffet
Ten Fingers 6 Strings
Another Rovian Conspiracy
James Hudnall
Damnum Absque Injuria
Small Dead Animals
Konservative Jay
Precinct 333
Hot Needle of Inquiry
Conservative Friends
The Daily Recycler
Balance Sheet
Peace For Our Time
Cranial Cavity
Eclipse Ramblings
Steel Deal

Now, you may scoff at the paucity of the petition gaze in awe at the vast number of bloggers listed. Keep in mind that these names bring with them their readers (not many people know this, but bloggers are the legal guardians of every one of their readers. We actually own you. It was in the small print when you bought your PC). And so, this paltry petition suddenly becomes a powerhouse, carrying with it the voices of 33,500 38,200 40,200 42,400 46,900 53,000 54,000 daily readers, each screaming for the chubby head of Willis. But we need more. I need you guys to keep signing up. Leave a comment or send me an email. Blog about it. Get your friends to join. Sign over power of attorney to me. Scratch that last one. That's part of my next evil scheme.


Wizbang's Paul:

"If Oliver resigns, will I still be a racist?"

Wizbang's Jay Tea (who declined to sign the petition, citing the following reason):

"My mother once said that "everyone in life has a purpose, even if it's to be a bad example." "

Anonymous Llama Butcher:

"Resign from what? His day job at the piggly-wiggly on route 11 in Gaithersburg? As the George Soros of the international Little Debbie snack cake futures traders? "

Rusty Shackleford:

"I don't believe beached whales ought to be rescued."

INDC's Bill:

"Never have so many been annoyed by the stupidity of so few. One, actually."

Beautiful Atrocities' Jeff:

"Oliver, please come home. Since this madness started with Brit Effing Hume, you've spent NO quality time with me. And NO, a quick mercy fuck doesn't count! Let's go to Home Depot together, just like old times, & then watch Friends."

Gerard Van der Leun (with insider trading in mind):

I figure that if I have advanced notice that Oliver Willis will resign I will be able to increase my stock portfolio with McDonalds and clean up. I'm going bullish on cattle futures as well.

In The Bullpen's Chad:

I'd love to see the guy actually form a coherent thought without contradicting his previous post, but I'd also like to have my pick between the 2004 Playboy Bunnies.

James Hudnall:

Willis is obviously trying to act like a real blogger and get rid of a TV anchor. Unfortunately for his case, the best he can come up with is Brit Hume slighting socialism. Someone needs to explain to him that Ponzi schemes aren't worth defending.


"Oliver Willis? Is he that one guy from Green Acres?"

If you would like to sign the petition please leave your name and URL (or just name if you don't have a site) in the comments and it will be added.

Update (11:35am)

You Know I'm Right is in.

'Nother Update (3:05pm)

INDC's Bill has joined the fight.

'Nother Update (11:05pm)

The Political Teen has joined up. In your face, indifferent teens.

'Nother Update (11:15pm)

Blogs of War has joined, hot on Teen's heels.

'Nother Update (11:50pm)

Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities has given the nod.

Yet 'Nother Update (8:35am)

The blogosphere worked while I slept. New recruits are:-

Young Pundit
American Digest
Hundred Percenter
The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
In The Bullpen

'Nother Update (5:00pm)

In response to a few emails I thought I'd clear up a few points:-

No, this petition won't actually make Willis stop writing. Not only that, but I'd think a lot less of the guy if he did. Despite the fact that Oliver's opinions are often always annoying and most of the time just plain wrong, you have to give it to the guy that he's an entertaining writer. Hell, if he wasn't then he wouldn't get all the attention we on the right lavish on him. And, as they say, all publicity is good publicity.

Yes, this petition is just a little harmless silliness. It does, though, make a serious point. It highlights the folly of Oliver's current campaign against Brit Hume. I'm not going to go into whether Hume deserves the pressure, but I would like to say that a petition isn't the right way to go. If you want to know an effective way to attack the media, read Gerard Van der Leun's piece about the power of the advertisers at American Digest, I Repeat, "No More Letters to the Editor!"

That's why - if I was serious about hurting Willis - I'd be talking to Cable-Safe. I'd be calling Stephanie Tyler and Paul Mason, respectively the executive and technical producers of Springer On The Radio. I'd be emailing Chuck Pennacchio and asking him why he aligns himself with Willis. These are his advertisers, and these are his paymasters.

Despite all this, I'd like as many sites as possible to keep joining this petition. Fun is still fun, no? Besides, that graphic Ian Schwartz designed is cool.

Yet 'Nother Update (5:45pm)

Confederate Yankee is on board.

Update No. Gazillion (6:45pm)

MY Vast Right Wing Conspiracy and Techography join. And now it's time to start drinking. Happy Friday, kids.

Update No. Gazillion and One (11:30pm)

While I watch The Incredibles on pirate legally purchased DVD, Six Meat Buffet and Ten Fingers 6 Strings join.

Uh, Gazillion and Two (1:40pm)

New joinees (is that even a word?) overnight are Another Rovian Conspiracy, James Hudnall, the inestimable Iowahawk and Damnum Absque Injuria.

Gazillion and Three (4:15pm)

Kate of Small Dead Animals is on board.

God, More Updates (1:00am)

Konservative Jay joins up.

More and More, Jahweh (10:130am)

Precinct 333 and Hot Needle of Inquiry have joined.

Another Update, Jeebus (10:00pm)

While I was on my travels, the following sites signed up:

Conservative Friends
The Daily Recycler
Balance Sheet
Peace For Our Time
Cranial Cavity
Eclipse Ramblings
Steel Deal

FINAL UPDATE (11th March)

And so, in just 11 days this petition has built up as much steam as, say, a really big kettle. You know the type I mean? Those really big ones. Jesus, you could make, like, 10 or 12 cups of coffee with one of those. Just imagine that.

And so, now we've garnered 33 blogs - amounting to over 50,000 readers - to our little campaign, I'm gonna call it a day. I don't know what I'll do next. Maybe I'll have some coffee. OR - hey, maybe a hot chocolate with spray cream and chocolate shavings with a little Time Out bar on the saucer for dippin'. And some tiny marshmallows. I could really go for one of those right now.

Meanwhile, Oliver is forced to keep going. No coffee for him. Oh no. Not even a hot chocolate. None for you Oliver, cause you're into day 30 of your moribund campaign - watching your 'reputation' dwindle with each passing day.

Now, where's that chocolate?

*Thanks to Ian at the Political Teen for the image.
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