Money? Meet Mouth.
This is a photo taken at a protest today in the US. Now, call me simple, but shouldn't the CND be in favour of taking down the Iranian leadership? This is a government, remember, that received 12 nuclear-capable cruise missiles from the Ukraine in 2001. Not just cruise missiles, but missiles specifically designed to carry nuclear warheads. Now, are these the kind of guys the CND actually wants in power? Or is it maybe the case that the person who produced that placard is an idiot of the highest order?
Now, far be it from me to shoot my mouth off and then hide behind the Internet. I'm serious about nuclear weapons - and if anybody in earth can be trusted with them I'd rank the leadership of Iran considerably lower than my cat. With this in mind, I've applied for an internship at the CND. There's a regional office on Beswick Street in Manchester, about 10 miles from my home. They're looking for interns who meet the following requirements:
Degree/Interest in international relations/politics/defence/finance/IT/law/business studies/marketing
I have a degree in geography. I have an interest in international relations, politics, defence and IT. I also have higher qualifications in law and business studies.
Good analytical skills
My analytical skills are honed to the extent that I can deduce that the majority, or at least the visible majority, of supporters of the CND are, to put it in the least offensive way, unwashed buffoons.
A good overview of international relations, peace and security issues
My experience of international relations, peace and security issues lead me to believe that to allow Iran access to nuclear arms is tantamount to allowing a monkey access to a grenade.
Good writing skills
I don't want to brag, but I write a mean memo.
A positive problem solving approach
Problem: Iran developing nuclear arms. Solution: Prevent Iran from developing nuclear arms.
Good interpersonal skills
I haven't killed you yet, have I?
Good team working skills
I haven't killed the team, either.
Good IT skills
Enough to turn on the box thing and write words on the letters doohickey.
A sympathetic understanding of aims and objectives of CND
Sure, I symapathise and understand that you want a world without nuclear weapons. I just don't think a campaign of vigorously not showering is the way to go about it, is all.
See, I'm a perfect candidate. I'll enter the organisation at the bottom and turn it around. In a few decades we'll have a nuclear-free world. Of course, by that time we'll all be cowering under the enormous space-based super laser: the Killotron.
And they still won't shower.
Terms and conditions
Internships are unsalaried positions. Agreed travel expenses will be met, together with lunch expenses. Preferred length of internship at least 6 months, but shorter periods working full-time also acceptable. Hours: 1-2 days (or 8-16 hours) per week, or more.
How to apply
CND are in need of interns throughout the year. Please submit by e-mail to the address below the following applications material:
A cover letter, describing the reasons for your interest in working at CND, when you are available to begin, and how many days a week you wish to work;
Contact details for two referees
Your Curriculum Vitae to date;
A brief writing sample, where relevant, no more than one page
Please e-mail your application materials to: email@example.com
I emailed the following to the above address:
I would like to apply for a position as an intern at the CND. I would prefer to be based in the Manchester office, and can make myself available 2 days a week, Monday and Thursday.
Kevin Aylward - firstname.lastname@example.org
President George W Bush - email@example.com
Prime Minister Tony Blair - http://www.number-10.gov.uk/output/Page821.asp
Samples of my writing can be found at http://www.sortapundit.com.
In all seriousness, if they were to offer me a position I'd take it. There are few matter more serious than nuclear arms. As a member of their organisation I'd do my best to steer their strategies away from idiotic placards and towards more effective methods, namely killing people who try to use nuclear weapons.