Bits and Pieces

Thursday, March 17, 2005

A Reply

Basil continues to goad me with his higher Google rankings, but it seems his bravado is masking a deep and clinging fear - fear caused by the sound of yours truly scrambling up the ladder beneath him. I'm up to 31st place for Paris Hilton's cell phone number, a pathetic 128th for The Niggas at DFNCTSC... but 1st for strip clubs in ohio with midget strippers!

You heard that right. During the opening skirmish I've brushed Basil from the spot he once occupied. Now I'll be the one causing much disappointment among Ohioans.

Basil also offers an ultimatum:

  • Accept that we can work together to advance the understanding of all mankind (or at least provide a few minutes of diversion to those surfing the Net).

  • Accept that when people want to search Google and Yahoo! using the phrases:


Paris Hilton's cell phone number

The Niggas at DFNCTSC

Strip clubs in Ohio with midget strippers

Girls big tit

Free big tit sites

Jamie Lynn Spears naked

And go to a site that features none of these, they will come here.

  • Accept that, while you are a loyal subject of the Queen, writing like an American is a good thing and is to be embraced if it comes naturally. Don't make me go to Massachusetts or California to find a judge to set loose on you.

This need not get ugly. But, I've got a whole sackful of ugly to unleash if necessary. Sortapundit, I expect your answer before the end of the week.

Or face the consequences.

Oh, very brave, very brave. It's a pity you weren't so forthcoming in 1939. My answer is this:

You can take you hogeys, your foot longs, your grinders and subs. You can take your McDonalds, Burger King, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Wendys. You can take Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Lopez, roll them up and smoke them, by Jiminy Joseph.

Give me The Beatles. Give me scones and clotted cream. Give me football in the park on a Sunday afternoon, scraped knees and jumpers for goalposts. Give me Monty Python, a cold pint on a summer's day and the Sunday Times.

No, you can take your truce and keep it. Prepare to face the wrath of the nation that drove back the Germans, not once but twice; colonised the world and then settled into retirement. You want to talk about a slumbering giant? You have no idea....

Prepare to die.
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